The War Within
I have dipped into the depth of
my soul in search of what is haunting me. The visions of the ghouls that surf
my soul and the gnawing from the hounds that feed on my hope, have sent
shivering shrieks to my core. I have stumbled past the memories that scar my
heart and the corpses of my shattered dreams. The irreverent forms of death stand
tall as they mock me and draw me deeper into their abyss. I am now faced with
the reality of fighting for my life from within this tomb of torment. Every
vision more horrific then the last. The rotting stench of death seeps from the
marrow of my deteriorating bones as the keeper of souls lays out my life for a
feast on his formal dining table. With polished pitch forks and goblets from
skulls, he picks away at his meal while I watch myself being devoured and feel
every slice as he peels the nerve fibers from my flesh. I scream out in agony
with the question, “why?”
I have experienced the trembling and shakes
before but now understand it is the outward signs that are witnessed as the
internal screams cannot be heard. With Black Death for eyes, flesh dripping
from his claws, and the stains from well drained veins on his fangs he resonates
with the sounds of millions of tormented souls, “because no one wants you, a
lonely soul is my playground and I will drain you to near death without
releasing from my grasp”. He grins at me
as he says, “you will heal, you will feel better at times, but that is just so the
next round will be that much more painful for you and pure pleasure for me”.
I have been warned about asking
a question I didn’t want the answer to but now I know. I have peered into the
abyss of my own dying soul and am more lost now than when I started. I am more
in tune with the war that rages within me and I feel sick with every breath I
take, as it is just feeding the Demons that devour my being. I stand at the
edge of enlightenment and I am held back from diving of this cliff as the Death
Dealer has not finished his meal of me yet.
I look strong and beastly on
the outside but internally I am emaciated and broken. I pray for the will power
to beat these hordes or for the strength to break his grasp and let me plunge
to the firey depth of my demise. It is hard to believe the cost when love
passes you by.
Ronnie H. Lee 9/21/2014
